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When It's Time to Let Go

In the last four years I have seen a lot relationships in my life change.  There were people who I was very close to who went a different direction, just because of life.   There was the reality of leaving Pittsburgh; moving far away.   That would naturally change some relationships.   There was also those relationships I thought were solid and would stand the test of time.   Many of those have drastically changed.  Of all of these, these hurt the worst.   These were the ones I poured the most into.  These were the ones I thought I could take the most from.

I try to find the lesson from these relationships that ended in a form of betrayal.  You may think that to be a strong word, but how else should I  interpret it?  The church leader who promised ABC and then reneged.   The church leader who joined me in guise of love and then in my moment of greatest need sought only their best perceived interest.  The church leader who feigned care and compassion only to work behind the scenes to take my job, my reputation and my security and attack it.  The friend who decided it was easier to adapt to what she hated instead of standing on principal.   The friend who couldn't look past their own moment and left my wife and I to suffer in silence; though we had been through multiple crisises with this person.

The list is long.  The wounds were severe.   They almost costs me everything.  The past 4 years have been about offering these things to God repeatedly, watching and waiting for Him to turn the bleeding, sometimes festering wound into a scar.  He has done so much of that.  I am grateful.

Yet the last step of this is something He has only been revealing these last few weeks.  I know that my conclusion may not be the most popular one as Christians sometimes have accepted to idea to love someone is to like them.   I don't believe so anymore.  I think in cases like this, to love someone is to forgive them.  To love them is to shut the door and let them go.  To love them however is not to lock the door, but to leave open the potential of reconciliation...should they pursue.

To love them is not to chase.  To love them is put the whole relationship in the hands of God and let Him work on their hearts to bring reconciliation around.  If it doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen.

That is not on you...
You have done your part to live at peace with everyone.  (Romans 12:18)

I have grieved over the loss of these relationships.
I don't want to do this anymore.

So I am letting them go.
I don't hate them.  I don't wish them ill.
I don't think I am angry anymore...
Just really aware...  relationships filtered through my expectations will probably always disappoint.
In the future, I suppose I am just going to chose to love by lifting another's needs above my own.
Those who respond will find a good friend.
Those who don't - God bless them.    They are not to be in my life in this manner.




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